Weaning & Homeschooling

As I sit here typing with a cabbage leaf in my bra, it hits me.

This is it.

I will never have a baby suckling at my breast again.

My breastfeeding journey has really come to an end. No more sleepless nights with Anna waking up constantly looking for my nipple, no more cuddly snuggles during nursing. No more comforting FOR ME with her nursing. Plenty of mixed feelings. While I feel this weaning is really necessay in order for many positive things to take place, I can't help feeling emotional & kinda sad about it. Afterall, I still have a nice supply of milk.

The thing is, the husband & I have been having many discussions about homeschooling & the well-being of our children. We both agree on one thing - we can't have it all. From the time we had our first child, Leah, I have always been an advocate of breastfeeding. I fought against the painkiller jab on my thigh during labour just because the nurse told me that that jab would make Leah sleepy and might affect her being about to latch. I always knew from my first pregnancy on that I wanted to breastfeed my children. No matter how tough. And so I did. The husband says I am extremely determined. I totally agree! Ha!

So anyway, the time has come. To wean. For the simple reason that I cannot homeschool successfully if I am to continue breastfeeding. Anna nurses all night. I haven't slept through the night for a good 4.5 years. To put it simply, the lack of sleep makes me cranky thus affecting my mood & patience with the kids. Also, Anna loves snuggling up to me constantly throughout the day to nurse. Which really takes up ALOT of the day. Something we feel is beginning to adversely affect Leah. Since we weaned Leah off at 24 months (I was hospitalised with a threatened miscarriage), we felt it would be fair to wean Anna off around the same time.

At 26 months, we finally pulled it off. With much tears, clinging, uncertainty & insecurity. Nights in a row, I have been standing in the dark carrying my baby & rocking her to sleep as she would have no other. Neither would I. Coupled with horrid engorged breasts & fevers, I did my last bit the best I could for our breastfeeding journey. Ending it well.

The entire week that the weaning is taking place, we have done absolutely nothing. No worksheets, no activities, no educational field trips. Nothing. Nothing that would get us approved by the homeschooling judge. Lol. But you know what? It doesn't matter. It really doesn't.

That is the beauty of homeschooling. You are flexible. You adjust based on what would work best for you & your children. And because homeschoolers are usually ahead of their cohort in some sense, you have plenty of time in between for breaks or time out to handle the unforseen. And so this entire week, all we did was sing, dance, play and snuggle up to read comforting stories. Both kids know that Mommy is hurting & changes are being made.

We are surviving the week and my girls are learning more about life, love, empathy & compassion than any textbook could ever teach them.

Am I sorry I'm weaning? No. I'm doing what I have to do.

Do I regret not sucking up the pain & fever & pushed on to conduct formal "lessons" for Leah? Definitely not. We are having a different sort of lesson this week. Of which we are not able to explain but they are taking place.

Let's just say, my girls have grown up alot in a week.

Thank you God for another wonderful homeschooling week.